Equip your employees to apologize effectively
While many companies ingrain the value of apologizing to customers and clients, research has shown that rarely do companies invest time to train their employees on how to effectively apologize to their colleagues.
Most of us spend the largest amount of time per day at work. We create relationships with our colleagues and like any other relationship, there is potential for fostering appreciation and potential for offense, tension, and feelings of hurt.
Why do we ask for apologies?
We want to reconcile and restore our relationships.
Often we want justice, something in us cries out to right the wrong that has been done. However, the desire and the human need for reconciliation are much more powerful than our desire for justice.
Reconciliations are aided by apologies.
There are different ways that people apologize and they use different ways of expressing apologies. Understanding these various ways is crucial in hearing apologies.
Communicating remorse and expressing clearly what you are sorry for.
Such as: “I now understand that I hurt you deeply and that’s not what I want to do. I am truly sorry for what I said.”
Taking ownership over your contributions and saying what you are responsible for.
Such as: “I made a mistake. At the time I didn’t think much about it, but after we spoke and after I reflected, I realized my mistake. I wish now that I had thought more before what I said. What I said was wrong.”
Reparation, or ‘making things right’, is a process of restoring and healing the relationship.
Such as simply asking: “What can I do to make it right?”
Genuinely expressing how you will endevour to not repeat the mistake.
Such as: “I know that what I did was wrong and it hurt you. I don’t want to do that again. What would you like to see me do that would make this situation better for you?”
Asking for forgiveness, which is perhaps the hardest part of a wholesome apology. Seeking forgiveness shows the desire for reconciliation.
Such as: “I am sorry for the way I spoke to you. I know it was harsh and loud and you don’t deserve that. I’m embarrassed and truly sorry for the way I was speaking to you. Will you forgive me?”
If you are a workplace manager or supervisor here is how you can support your employees to be able to communicate apologies:
Expose your employees to the five pillars of apologies (above) or as Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas call them ‘the five languages of apologies’.
Ask your employees to reflect on the ways they apologize to others. What words do they use? Which of the above pillars do they rely on to make their apologies?
Ask each team or the group of employees who work together to reveal this list that they have made, so everyone knows how each person apologizes.
And you can take a step further:
Workshop how the employees want to be apologized to. What do they consider a genuine apology to be like and see if you can create a culture of knowing the art of apology in the workplace?
Remember the need for an apology is a need for reconciliation and restoration. The art of apology can be learned. Equip your staff with tools to be able to apologize for their mistakes effectively.
The above was adapted from:
The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All your Relationships by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas
Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters the Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen
